You once asked me how I’m usually very happy even when people (often that I’m close to) openly treat me like crap, (often with out realizing that’s what they’re doing.) It’s because I look at the world (when I’m brave enough to go out and experience it first hand) threw proverbial built in rose colored glasses. I choose to see the best in people, and situations. Even if the experience or the person suck mostly all together. With out fail I find (even if I have to stretch the reality of it all,) the good in every thing. My bum knee, own migraines, tendency to be flooded by the emotions of others, and the fact that most of my nerve endings were fried by a very sudden growth spurt when I was young? Yes I suffer from all these things but it hasn’t been with out merit or benefit.
My knee makes me more empathic towards people with limited mobility, and often helps me brighten some ones day, or make their day a little easier. Because of my migraines I’ve learned to look for the indicators when you’re starting to have one, and I’ve learned mechanisms to help my dearest friend get threw those difficult times. (Usually this involves keeping people from crowding you at events and doubling my efforts for taking care of Diamond on the picket line and taking care of your tack for you before and after the battle, one less thing for you to worry about.) The flooding I suffer from others emotions. It makes people more comfortable by my presence. It doesn’t happen all the time, and as I get to better know people, I learn more efficiently how to shield my self, and manage that butter zone in between ‘just what they need’ and ‘that’s just too much for me to handle.’ My nerve endings (more specifically my pain receptors were fried when I was younger, when I shot from roughly 5’1” and 100 lbs. with rocks in my pockets to 6’1” and 150 lbs. with rocks in my pockets in a little under a month and a half. The constant growing pains and shin splints made me pretty much numb to all but the worst of pain. This allows me to do things that a person with average pain resistance just wouldn’t do. Though in fairness I probably shouldn’t be doing them, your brain tells you not to do those things for a reason.
The good doesn’t negate the bad. The good is simply what I choose to emphasize on. Yes my knee occasionally screws up, and makes me not get as much enjoyment out of a given situation as I normally would. Yes my migraines hurt to an unspeakable level and I just want to curl up into my own little blanket fort and not be bothered, but this passes, and when you suffer from it. Yes I over work my self and ignore my own well being and can take my self out of action really quick. But this is never a down side to me. You’re my best friend in the world, I love you, I’ve done it before and I will do it again with out hesitation when the need arises. My tendency to be flooded by the emotions of others, can be terrifying, and traumatic. I have been laid up for days from the emotional back lash because of it, but again this only tends to happen when it needs to happen, when people are at their worst emotionally and need a hero. My pain tolerance can be a horrible thing if I don’t manage it properly. I could be badly wounded, recognize the wound, and choose to ignore it to my own detriment. (I’ve only done this twice because the situation called for it.)
So there’s my secret, for your consideration. Use it if you wish, and know I’ll always be here for you with a great big hug when you need or want one. After all when I get married to that very special some one. You’re my best person.
Your dismount/Your Johnny.